How to Meet and Date Hot (and Smart!) Girls

Jul
2010

1. You’re more likely to meet girls who share your same interests.

Most guys never consider this. If I want to meet girls who are into fitness and healthy eating, I go to the gym or farmer’s market (or grocery store). If I want to meet girls who are into books and conversation, I go to coffee shops and bookstores. And if I want to meet girls who are into witchcraft and patchouli, I quickly hit myself in the head and get my priorities straight.

Now, I’m not saying there aren’t girls at clubs who will share your same passions, but you will have to sift and screen a lot more. Personally, I’d rather enjoy the company of my friends when I’m out having a beer. (Don’t get me wrong: I’m still open to meet people when I’m out at night; I just don’t make it a priority.)

2. They’re not expecting to get “hit on”, and are usually more receptive.

First things first: I don’t “hit on” girls. This is a big paradigm shift. I meet and talk with girls who I find physically attractive and then, through brief conversation, learn if they have the qualities (confidence, intelligence, wit, etc.) I find attractive. If they do, I make it a point to get their phone number or, if it’s convenient for both of us, go on an immediate “date”.

Anyway, most girls are expecting to get approached at night and usually have their defenses up. This isn’t the case during the day. I’ve found it’s much easier and more fun to have conversations and meet some genuinely cool girls. Approaching during the day also shows confidence which is a crucial “attraction indicator.” (Consider that most guys would never think to walk right up to an attractive girl and say something without having a few beers in them first.)

So that’s why I prefer meeting women during the day. But how do you actually go about approaching, connecting, and dating these girls? I asked dating expert Nick Savoy, founder of Love Systems, to outline the three biggest mistakes most guys make when meeting women.

The 3 Biggest Mistakes Guys Make When Meeting Women

1. Building comfort before attraction. Most guys default to general questions like “Where are you from?” and “What do you do?” They’re desperately looking for commonalities. But odds are if you’re just some guy at a bar or on the street, she’s not invested enough in you to give good answers to those questions.

Even asking them just shows you’re like the last 5,000 guys who approached her this way. It shows you don’t “get it”. Be playful, be funny, talk about yourself, tell a story, first to get her curious about you and then you can get into your biographies.

2. Failure to touch. I can tell whether an attempt is going anywhere within about a minute even if I can’t hear a word of what’s being said, just by watching the “physical conversation”. Make her comfortable with your touch from the first minute, even if it starts as a tap on the elbow to illustrate a point, and she’ll respond in kind.

3. Putting her on a pedestal. The hotter she is, the less you want to put her on a pedestal. That’s what every other guy does and it’s boring for her. She wants a guy who belongs in her world. So no compliments she hasn’t earned, no compliments about her looks, don’t approach her with “Can I buy you a drink?,” or anything else that puts her value above yours. Don’t be afraid to disagree with her or to challenge her. She’ll likely find it very refreshing and attractive.

The Icing on the Cake – The Actual Conversation Starter

So this is all well and good but how do you actually start a conversation? Yeah, most of you will roll your eyes at this. (“Who actually needs advice on this stuff?”) But do me a favor: if you’re in a public place right now, go find a girl you find physically attractive and approach her. I’ll wait.

Not as easy in practice as it is in your mind, huh?

Here’s what Nick has to say:

“Direct” usually means stating your interest right from the beginning, instead of using an “excuse” to talk to her. Direct might be something like: “Hi, I saw you standing over there and I’d be kicking myself all day if I didn’t meet you and see if we have anything in common. My name’s Nick.”

An “Indirect approach” might be: “Hi, can you settle a bet with my friend over there? He says that if you say ‘I love you’ when you’re drunk it doesn’t count. What do you think?”

(A Note From Nate: Personally, I prefer to just be direct. But in Nick’s book, the Magic Bullets Handbook, he uses six different types of “openers” depending on the situation. I highly recommend you check it out as it’s a very cool resource.)

Wrap-up

Meeting and talking with girls should be fun and not a source of extreme anxiety or embarrassment. I have friends who will psyche themselves out and make excuses for not approaching girls they find physically attractive, then regret it immediately after. This is no way to live.

So smile, make your approach, and see if you have anything in common. Rejection is easy to handle; your ego will heal. But regret for not talking with a girl who could turn out to be perfect for you?

You’ll live with that shit the rest of your life.

(Thanks again to Nick Savoy. Be sure to check out his book, Magic Bullets, and his bootcamps on Day Game workshops and his regular (bars & clubs) program.)